Here I am once again trying to blog consistently. I have the same excuse as always. It’s a lot of work to pencil in time for this, but I figured I could use a little therapeutic purge of my daily life. I was up at 5am, dropped off Ellie a 6:30am and made it to work by 8am with I-10 traffic. I didn’t take a lunch and ended up leaving around 5:30pm and now here I am making it home at 7pm. I still have work to do. Timesheets to approve, corrective action documents to fill out, content planning for this weekend’s workshop, merchandise to sort out for shipping, bills to pay, clothes to fold, dinner to make, etc. The cool thing is I get to do the same shit all over again tomorrow lol. Luckily, tonight Ellie went with her dad so I don’t have to worry about homework and Josiah is with my grandparents. Steven is also still working. That allowed me to sit down right now at this very moment and share with YOU. Chances are I’ll get about 40% of the above shit done tonight and that is OK. I’m reading a book about it. It’s better than 0%. I’m learning that it’s better to knock the big things out first instead of working on the little easy things. Because then you keep pushing off the big things to the next day. And by reading this book I mean I’m picking it up like once a week.
I ask myself plenty of times HOW am I going to do all of this? I know that I need to be creating more content. I know that there is so much more I could be doing for Adelante Mami that would put me on a path to work for myself full time. But HOW with this maldito schedule? I’ve already prepared myself mentally for the rest of the year. I am probably not going to get much sleep. I am most likely not going to be out or spending money on myself. I’m probably not going to see many of my friends. The reality is that I’ve probably almost never been a great friend because I’ve consistently been on the pursuit of one thing or another and didn’t have time. I wonder how you can work so incredibly hard and still be poor lol. I’m dramatic we’re not poor. We have the essentials and then some. But I’m definitely not where I want to be yet. And that is working for myself! That’s enough of my novela rant though.
Update: I’m sure most of you reading this heard my podcast episode of my pre- bipolar disorder diagnoses. Apparently at the next therapy appointment, they told me they still aren’t done fully diagnosing me. Aver que dicen ahora. The support and messages I got from some of you mujeres were so incredible and very much appreciated! It’s been a really hard thing to accept for myself and I was so embarrassed by it at first. By coming out and speaking about it I realized that so many of you have sought out help for yourself and started that journey as well. I’m glad that there’s a platform to discuss these types of issues in our community. As homework I was given a mood chart to fill out until we meet again. My moods are hella confusing. On Sunday’s I’m always super happy because that’s our family day. The rest of the week I go from happy, to irritate, to exhausted, to novela dramatics in 2 hour intervals. It’s going to be a process for sure. I will say this… I can already see a difference in my relationship with Steven and the kids. I much more aware of and in control of my emotions. We’re making progress mija!
I’m curious… are any of you feeling like you’re not even close to accomplishing what you want? Do you feel like your days are flying by you and your time is running out to make things happen? Please let me know if you do and what you are doing to make the most out of every day because your girl over here is struggling!